Parsing Steinbrenner's Statement

Dear Yankee Apologists,

Well, "George" has spoken. Or should I say, Howard Rubenstein has put pen to paper and held George's hand as, crying, George made a wobbly, shaky 'X' on the signature line and babbled "Billy....fire him!....oh, Billy...why?? Whhhyyy?"

"The season is still very young, but up to now the results are clearly not acceptable to me or to Yankee fans. However, Brian Cashman, our general manager, Joe Torre, our manager, and our players all believe that they will turn this around quickly. I believe in them. I am here to support them in any way to help them accomplish this turnaround. It is time to put excuses and talk away. It is time to see if people are ready to step up and accept their responsibilities. It is time for all of them to show me and the fans what they are made of. Let's get going. Let's go out and win and bring a world championship back to New York. That's what I want."


Let's take a closer look, shall we?

"The season is still very young"

Translation: You have one month from today to turn this around, otherwise heads will roll. Consider yourself warned.

"But up to now, the results are clearly not acceptable to me or to Yankee fans".

Translation: I really, really, really hate losing to the Red Sox and to the Devil Rays. Haven't I made this abundantly clear?

"However, Brian Cashman, our general manager, Joe Torre, our manager, and our players all believe that they will turn this around quickly."

Translation: Cashman, and you, Frank Torre. Or Joe. Or whoever. You're the ones who I will fire.


It is awful quiet today out there in Yankee-land. No one has surfaced to talk smack or take potshots. They are bruised and battered. So as George has his head cradled and lifted by Howard Rubenstein, and as his dried, arthritic fingers reach once more for the Craftmatic remote, and as he grips his sippy-cup with two hands and softly cries and whimpers, the end of an era is near. Nigh on six years and counting since championships. Over a Billion dollars in payroll expended.

See no evil. Speak no evil. Hear no evil. The Yankee Way.

Oh, and one last thing. So Jeter comes out and gets all angry with his vehement statement of support for Torre. Do you think A Rod, reading that in the papers today, might be a little miffed? Might think, gee, that's great DJ, but...where were you when I needed you, Cap'n?


Yours,

The Editor