Dear Yankee Apologists,
Well, "George" has spoken. Or should I say, Howard Rubenstein has put pen to paper and held George's hand as, crying, George made a wobbly, shaky 'X' on the signature line and babbled "Billy....fire him!....oh, Billy...why?? Whhhyyy?"
"The season is still very young, but up to now the results are clearly not acceptable to me or to Yankee fans. However, Brian Cashman, our general manager, Joe Torre, our manager, and our players all believe that they will turn this around quickly. I believe in them. I am here to support them in any way to help them accomplish this turnaround. It is time to put excuses and talk away. It is time to see if people are ready to step up and accept their responsibilities. It is time for all of them to show me and the fans what they are made of. Let's get going. Let's go out and win and bring a world championship back to New York. That's what I want."
Let's take a closer look, shall we?
"The season is still very young"
Translation: You have one month from today to turn this around, otherwise heads will roll. Consider yourself warned.
"But up to now, the results are clearly not acceptable to me or to Yankee fans".
Translation: I really, really, really hate losing to the Red Sox and to the Devil Rays. Haven't I made this abundantly clear?
"However, Brian Cashman, our general manager, Joe Torre, our manager, and our players all believe that they will turn this around quickly."
Translation: Cashman, and you, Frank Torre. Or Joe. Or whoever. You're the ones who I will fire.
It is awful quiet today out there in Yankee-land. No one has surfaced to talk smack or take potshots. They are bruised and battered. So as George has his head cradled and lifted by Howard Rubenstein, and as his dried, arthritic fingers reach once more for the Craftmatic remote, and as he grips his sippy-cup with two hands and softly cries and whimpers, the end of an era is near. Nigh on six years and counting since championships. Over a Billion dollars in payroll expended.
See no evil. Speak no evil. Hear no evil. The Yankee Way.
Oh, and one last thing. So Jeter comes out and gets all angry with his vehement statement of support for Torre. Do you think A Rod, reading that in the papers today, might be a little miffed? Might think, gee, that's great DJ, but...where were you when I needed you, Cap'n?
Yours,
The Editor
Monday, April 30, 2007
Some Interesting Statistics & Quotes Of Note
Dear Yankee Apologists,
Some numbers and sentiments you might be interested in perusing this morning:
*"I'm satisfied with the effort". Joe Torre, when asked about his team's performance versus Red Sox #5 starter Julian Tavarez.
*The Yankees have used at least 5 pitchers in each of their past 10 games, the longest such streak in the major leagues over the past 50 years. (Elias Sports Bureau)
*In their 5 losses against Boston, the Yankee bullpen's ERA is 8.66. Boston's in those same games: 1.35. (NY Times)
*Boston's bullpen has posted the lowest ERA in baseball, and has allowed only 1 earned run in it's last 15 and 2/3rds innings.
*Jonathan Papelbon has 8 saves in 8 chances.
*Hideki Okajima held Yankee batters to a .167 average during the five games in which he made appearances.
In the month of April, Hideki Okajima allowed a home run on his first ever major league pitch, to John Buck of the Kansas City Royals. Since that day, April 2nd, he has not allowed a run. He has a .071 ERA and 17 strikeouts in 12 and 2/3rd innings.
The Red Sox have the best record in the American League.
Alex Rodriguez's much-ballyhooed April came to a cold and depressing close once he ran into the Red Sox. He went 3 for 18 with no RBI over his last five games.
Bobby Abreau is on a 1 for 20 skid, the longest and worst of his career.
Some numbers and sentiments you might be interested in perusing this morning:
*"I'm satisfied with the effort". Joe Torre, when asked about his team's performance versus Red Sox #5 starter Julian Tavarez.
*The Yankees have used at least 5 pitchers in each of their past 10 games, the longest such streak in the major leagues over the past 50 years. (Elias Sports Bureau)
*In their 5 losses against Boston, the Yankee bullpen's ERA is 8.66. Boston's in those same games: 1.35. (NY Times)
*Boston's bullpen has posted the lowest ERA in baseball, and has allowed only 1 earned run in it's last 15 and 2/3rds innings.
*Jonathan Papelbon has 8 saves in 8 chances.
*Hideki Okajima held Yankee batters to a .167 average during the five games in which he made appearances.
In the month of April, Hideki Okajima allowed a home run on his first ever major league pitch, to John Buck of the Kansas City Royals. Since that day, April 2nd, he has not allowed a run. He has a .071 ERA and 17 strikeouts in 12 and 2/3rd innings.
The Red Sox have the best record in the American League.
Alex Rodriguez's much-ballyhooed April came to a cold and depressing close once he ran into the Red Sox. He went 3 for 18 with no RBI over his last five games.
Bobby Abreau is on a 1 for 20 skid, the longest and worst of his career.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
I Told You Not To Bring Out Ronan Tynan
Dear Yankee Apologists,
Well, I hate to be the one to say I told you so. You thought yesterday's win meant something, right? I know you did. I could feel it. I didn't want to be the one to let the air out of your tires, but the sad fact remains that you have now lost 8 of your last 9 games, you reside in the cellar of the AL East in last place, 6 and 1/2 games back from the Red Sox, who are in first place.
I know it's April. I know there's lots of baseball left. But look at the Mets. Look at the Cards. They both had shitty Augusts, but had built up such commanding pre-break leads it didn't matter. And now look at your pitching staff. The Kid on Tuesday. Rusty Moose. Then, whatever. The pen continues to be a disaster. I mean, I'm running out of material here.
And the fact remains that aside from Jeter's home run in the too-little-too-late category? You guys put one good swing on a ball today, and it was Doug Mentkaweiczzicwieickwicks who did it. Against Julian Tavarez. Who looks like he should be running the Netas in San Quentin.
Enjoy the papers tommorow, Yankee Fans, I know I will!
The Editor.
Well, I hate to be the one to say I told you so. You thought yesterday's win meant something, right? I know you did. I could feel it. I didn't want to be the one to let the air out of your tires, but the sad fact remains that you have now lost 8 of your last 9 games, you reside in the cellar of the AL East in last place, 6 and 1/2 games back from the Red Sox, who are in first place.
I know it's April. I know there's lots of baseball left. But look at the Mets. Look at the Cards. They both had shitty Augusts, but had built up such commanding pre-break leads it didn't matter. And now look at your pitching staff. The Kid on Tuesday. Rusty Moose. Then, whatever. The pen continues to be a disaster. I mean, I'm running out of material here.
And the fact remains that aside from Jeter's home run in the too-little-too-late category? You guys put one good swing on a ball today, and it was Doug Mentkaweiczzicwieickwicks who did it. Against Julian Tavarez. Who looks like he should be running the Netas in San Quentin.
Enjoy the papers tommorow, Yankee Fans, I know I will!
The Editor.
Good God, Not Ronan Tynan
Dear Yankee Apologist,
Just as I'm sitting here questioning myself about this blog, asking myself, "you know, do you really want to be in the business of negativity like this, even if it is The Yankees?"....Just when I am wondering if maybe I need to divert my energies elsewhere, your team brings out jug-eared, drunken Irish tenor Ronan Tynan for yet another overwrought, quiveringly sincere rendition of God Bless America, and the sanitation workers go wild.
God, I Hate The Yankees.
The Editor.
Just as I'm sitting here questioning myself about this blog, asking myself, "you know, do you really want to be in the business of negativity like this, even if it is The Yankees?"....Just when I am wondering if maybe I need to divert my energies elsewhere, your team brings out jug-eared, drunken Irish tenor Ronan Tynan for yet another overwrought, quiveringly sincere rendition of God Bless America, and the sanitation workers go wild.
God, I Hate The Yankees.
The Editor.
Al Leiter, Student Of The Michael Kay School
Dear Yankee Apologist,
Al Leiter is bordering on Kay/Sterling/Waldman/McCarver level annoyance. In discussing Okajima he just said "he's got a real good curveball, what we call a 12-to-6 curveball".
"What we call"?
Al, please let me explain something to you. "12-to-6 curveball" is not equivalent to a super-top-secret NSA code word for a dark-of-night black ops invasion operation. It is a commonly known and widely used phrase, one which even casual baseball fans have knowledge of. You are not a font of individual insight and knowledge.
The Editor
Al Leiter is bordering on Kay/Sterling/Waldman/McCarver level annoyance. In discussing Okajima he just said "he's got a real good curveball, what we call a 12-to-6 curveball".
"What we call"?
Al, please let me explain something to you. "12-to-6 curveball" is not equivalent to a super-top-secret NSA code word for a dark-of-night black ops invasion operation. It is a commonly known and widely used phrase, one which even casual baseball fans have knowledge of. You are not a font of individual insight and knowledge.
The Editor
Bobby Abreau, Serial Bunter
Dear Yankee Apologist,
OK, seriously, what is up with Bobby Abreau and the bunting??? Bizarre.
The Editor
OK, seriously, what is up with Bobby Abreau and the bunting??? Bizarre.
The Editor
Michael Kay Announcing School
Dear Yankee Apologist,
Granted, this is kind of a stretch post, because I have to admit that most Yankee Apologists actually dislike Michael Kay as much as anyone else, but still, his particular brand of annoyance sticks out from time to time.
For instance, during today's game, Manny hit a shot to right center, and Bobby Abreau jogged over and caught it at the track. It was a good catch. Not spectacular. But Kay's announce made it sound like Bobby was the Say-Hey kid reincarnate. All hoarse, full-throttle excitement.
And then he kills Lugo's bobble at short of a Jeter grounder. Yeah, we get it, we traded defense for offense in living with Lugo. But what about Derek Jeter's league-leading errors? Any word on any of that stuff, Michael?
No, I didn't think so, you fat, dandruffy Homer.
OK, clearly last night's loss still stings. I want this one today, bad. Sox up 4-3 bottom of the sixth.
The Editor.
Granted, this is kind of a stretch post, because I have to admit that most Yankee Apologists actually dislike Michael Kay as much as anyone else, but still, his particular brand of annoyance sticks out from time to time.
For instance, during today's game, Manny hit a shot to right center, and Bobby Abreau jogged over and caught it at the track. It was a good catch. Not spectacular. But Kay's announce made it sound like Bobby was the Say-Hey kid reincarnate. All hoarse, full-throttle excitement.
And then he kills Lugo's bobble at short of a Jeter grounder. Yeah, we get it, we traded defense for offense in living with Lugo. But what about Derek Jeter's league-leading errors? Any word on any of that stuff, Michael?
No, I didn't think so, you fat, dandruffy Homer.
OK, clearly last night's loss still stings. I want this one today, bad. Sox up 4-3 bottom of the sixth.
The Editor.
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